tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35670471986430440722024-03-12T18:22:28.748-07:00terra's earthTerrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.comBlogger463125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-2727651718461729032018-08-20T19:17:00.000-07:002018-08-20T19:17:40.885-07:00who says you can't go back<div style="text-align: center;">
It's been 30 years since I put on my green high school graduation cap and gown. I remember being seventeen and wondering what my life would bring. I've sometimes wished I could go back and share a few words of advice with the young senior who often doubted herself. Thirty years later I've been blessed to stay in close contact with many of my amazing high school friends. Last weekend I traveled back to Wisconsin for our official reunion. I loved this opportunity to reconnect with these people that have known me forever. There was something so healing about being in a space where I was just Terra. </div>
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"Parker high school, Parker high school tall and strong are we...(sing it with me!)</div>
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Because sometimes the "good old days" really were.</div>
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(#whereisKim?!)</div>
<br />Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-33028541240580548292018-08-06T15:06:00.000-07:002018-08-06T15:06:00.130-07:00Drew comes home<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's the best thing ever. There are really no words. </div>
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Lots of hugs, lots of tears, lots of joy.</div>
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(We missed Sierra who was on a preplanned senior trip to Africa before we knew Drew's return date would change). </div>
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They had their own happy reunion two days ago:)</div>
<br />Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-20183892175412713182018-07-24T15:09:00.000-07:002018-07-24T15:09:11.351-07:00in his own words<div style="text-align: center;">
Drew's last group email before he returns home. </div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: start; text-size-adjust: auto;">Well y'all, this is it. Can't believe this is my last email as a missionary. Fat shoutout to all those who have read these the past two years, hopefully a few of you have haha! My mission has meant everything to me and it's hard to believe it has come to end. I am grateful for my Heavenly Father in giving me this incredible opportunity to be able to serve. I have come to know that my Savior truly does live, and that his atonement is very real. This </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica; text-align: start;">is his work. I LOVE the people in South I was able to serve and will never forget the incredible experiences I had here. Thank you to all of my family and friends for the endless support while I've been out here, I could never have done it without y'all and I truly mean that. Going to be very weird and emotional leaving my second home here in the dirty south but I am so excited to get back to good old g town and the sweet reunions to come. LOVE Y'ALL!!!! </span></div>
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Counting down the hours here!!!!!!!</div>
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And I'm feeling like after a little time with Drew, I might start saying, "y'all" too.</div>
Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-75756218866326393442018-07-22T22:49:00.000-07:002018-07-22T22:49:22.278-07:00Gloria<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
She always cared more about others then herself.</div>
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She always looked for the good.</div>
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She had an infection laugh and sense of humor.</div>
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She loved unconditionally.</div>
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She bought me my "back to school" outfit for the first day of junior high.</div>
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She hosted cousin parties.</div>
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She was generous. </div>
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She hated to cook.</div>
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She loved being outside and appreciated all that is beautiful on this Earth.</div>
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She was loyal and devoted to her family.</div>
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She was my mom's only sister.</div>
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She was one of my most treasured friends.</div>
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She was my Aunt Gloria.</div>
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And last Tuesday, </div>
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she returned home.</div>
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And once again, I feel grateful to know that families are forever.</div>
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Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-14657425068684365472018-07-05T15:44:00.000-07:002018-07-06T11:33:06.290-07:00the bestest news ever<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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And here it is.....</div>
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This kid is coming home in three weeks!!! </div>
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Oh happy day, I cannot wait to give him a hug. </div>
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Because the Jackson Mississippi mission where Drew is serving is being consolidated with Louisiana, some of the missionaries are coming home a little early. </div>
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Drewby is one of them. </div>
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I cannot wait to have Drew's big laugh, big smile, big personality, and most especially his big heart fill up our home again. </div>
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Twenty One Days!!!</div>
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<br />Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-70681711614528030772018-07-05T15:25:00.002-07:002018-07-05T15:25:36.076-07:00 llama love<div style="text-align: left;">
They are seriously some of the strangest creatures ever. Cuter then a baby kitten, but super feisty. Last week after some great cousin time, I got to go on an adventure with one of them. Llama love I tell you! Ours was named "A-Aron". </div>
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So, a little background about how I found myself on this backwoods excursion.</div>
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A few years ago Sadie and Andy launched Hikrlife (@hikrlife on insta), a non-exclusive hiking meet-up club. They've done really well, and, as a celebration, when they hit 20k followers, they did this fun give away with Backcountry Logistics Llamas (@backcountry_logistics). My friend Lori entered the contest, and was one of the winners. Then, she invited me. Hee.</div>
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So, "backwoods camping" is just what it sounds like. No camp ground. No running water. No other "facilities" if you will. But that's cool, because (I reminded myself) I can do hard things (at least for one night). So we set off on a 93 degree Utah afternoon. And after 3 miles of straight up switch backs, I decided that maybe I've been a little too much in the yoga zone and not quite enough in cardio zone. But, hey, I made it and didn't even have to ride on A-Aron (which was good because he wouldn't have let me anyway). </div>
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To spit or to kiss. That is the question.</div>
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No really, he liked me a lot. </div>
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My 5 star suite.</div>
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Thanks for the invite Lori.</div>
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King of the hill.</div>
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Love these peeps.</div>
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Our super nice guide from Backcountry Logistics. </div>
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( Refuses to make eye contact).</div>
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A fun little outing, and thanks A-Aron for carrying all my stuff. You are a true pal.</div>
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Wishing everyone a belated Happy 4th! </div>
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I hope it was filled with the things that make you smile</div>
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(for us that meant my grandmas's texas sheet cake).</div>
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And Tomorrow....</div>
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My bestest news ever.....</div>
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Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-19441070960775449142018-07-01T18:33:00.000-07:002018-07-01T18:33:03.886-07:00these are my peopleIn my mind's eye I see myself, white knee high socks and adidas tennis shoes, shorts and a snoppy t-shirt, blonde uncombed hair, and a summer tan. I'm eleven years old running through my aunt and uncle's back yard. I'm surrounded by my cousins as we take on the adventure of the day.<br />
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Last weekend I had the chance to spend sometime with some of my very most favorite people in this world, who also happen to be my family. Thirty+ years later and I still feel happy and loved spending time in my aunt and uncle's back yard.<br />
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So incredibly grateful for these amazing people I get to call family. </div>
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This was stop #1 on my Utah trip last weekend. More about stop #2 tomorrow.</div>
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Happy Sunday.</div>
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<br />Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-37844349408115001162018-06-20T13:22:00.000-07:002018-06-20T13:26:14.125-07:00okay so the dating thing...It really is the most bizarre thing ever to suddenly find myself in this space again. It's like one of my single (guy) friends said last week, "You kind of feel like you're in high school again" (but not in a good way). So, a couple of positive things about dating as an adult (cause I like to be positive). First, I know what I'm looking for and I'll recognize it when I find it. I'm confident and peaceful in this belief. Second, I have no problem saying exactly how I feel. I believe in being honest and respectful with the people I'm dating, and I expect that in return. Hmmm... high standards. Yep. Thankfully, I'm my own party and have been for along time. I'm not in a rush, but I'm open to exploring this new space. Gratefully, I'm okay just being me and don't mind hanging by myself (most of the time). Some of this has come out of necessity and some of it is just straight up emotional survival. I am used to being independent when it comes to emotional support, but strangely, I would also describe myself as a hopeless romantic. It's a bit of an enigma really. But, that's okay. My life is good. I absolutely love my new job. I've made many new, amazing friends that I probably never would have met in my old life. I feel like my path continues to evolve, and the best part about it is that I'm actually enjoying facing the this new blank slate. So, here's to the unknown and that old adage, "not all that wander are lost". I am feeling more grounded and peaceful with each new adventure. And everyday, I choose to focus on the present, because there is so much to love about today.<br />
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Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-25993225251255736122018-06-16T16:22:00.000-07:002018-06-16T17:33:32.205-07:00graduation and progress<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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When Sierra was in the third grade, we started making paper chains to count down to the last day of school. On June 23rd, we did the final count down as Sierra Olivia graduated on a beautiful, happy Arizona night. </div>
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We were so glad Sadie and Andy could join us.</div>
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These are the moments that fill up my cup as we continue to navigate the new normal</div>
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and continue to find joy. </div>
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I'm feeling grateful for progress and growth, and so looking forward to what comes next for this kiddo. </div>
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Congrats Ra. We love you. </div>
<br />Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-19305057228436279932018-05-14T19:49:00.001-07:002018-05-14T19:52:22.373-07:00the next good thing<div style="text-align: center;">
The best part of Mother's day yesterday was our Skype call with Drew. And here's my next good thing. Drew will be returning from his mission in Mississippi on July 26th. Oh happy day!</div>
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I cannot wait to see this kid again.</div>
Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-91273266380414660802018-05-07T19:36:00.001-07:002018-05-07T19:36:16.178-07:00the first good thing<div style="text-align: center;">
Almost three years ago, I created a vision board. This was one of the cards I put on my closet wall.</div>
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Although I loved practicing yoga, it wasn't my main exercise focus at the time. I remember feeling very prompted to write this card, but not knowing why. I also remember looking at my board a few weeks after creating it and thinking, "Why did I write that card? I think I'll take it down". I remember reaching to remove it and having a very clear thought come to my mind, "Do NOT take down that card!" So I didn't. Fast forward to six months after d-day. While looking for something to help me navigate all of my trauma, I found a <a href="http://www.terrasearth.com/2016/11/retreat.html">women's retreat </a>that would be taking place in Utah. After doing some research, I decided to go. There I formed some incredible friendships with other women who had experienced trauma similar to mine. We had amazing mentors, and a huge part of our experience involved yoga. As I returned home and continued to practice yoga, I found that it was an irreplaceable tool to managing my anxiety. The more I linked breath and movement, the more peaceful I felt. I knew I wanted to share this gift with other people, especially women in trauma. The next month I started searching for a YTT program and within weeks found the perfect one only three miles from my house. My 200 hours of training were the very best escape. When I was in class, I was just me. Somehow, when I walked into the studio each day, the rest of my life, the divorce part of my life, just disappeared. I graduated in May of 2017. After working hard to develop my own little business last year, I am happy to share with you my dear readers, that two weeks ago I was offered a position to teach yoga at Life Time fitness (amazing programs, gyms nationwide). So my vision board card will now go into a book of visions realized. My heart is full as I get to pursue this new opportunity. More then anything, I hope to be able to help others to experience the power and breath and love of yoga. </div>
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The light in me honors and respects the light in each one of you dear readers. </div>
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Namaste.</div>
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I hope it's been a beautiful Monday. </div>
Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-31153582430189475922018-05-04T21:27:00.001-07:002018-05-04T21:57:38.980-07:00a shift<div style="text-align: center;">
I'm trying to keep it real here as my life evolves, and I evolve, and this little blog of mine evolves. </div>
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I often think about writing, but struggle with what to share, and how to share it. It's my hope, that by being as real as possible when sharing my journey, I can help someone else navigate their hard, what ever that looks like.<br />
We all have to do hard. The question is just <i>what</i> do we do with it.</div>
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June 1st will mark the two year anniversary of my <a href="http://www.terrasearth.com/2017/06/when-every-second-hurts.html">d-day</a>. I was talking to a friend last week and remarked to her, "I wouldn't change anything about my life to this point." I really wouldn't. But these last eight weeks have been very difficult, as I've once again had to do mortal combat against depression. A few days ago I came to the realization, that in my mind, I had subconsciously put a time line on my healing. I'm a list maker. I crave order and checking off the boxes. The reality is, there is no, DONE WITH DIVORCE box. There just isn't. It's not something you can erase or rewrite. You don't wake up one morning to find it gone. And although I understand this cognitively, my spirit has been trying desperately to check that box with a big red sharpe and pretend it never happened.<br />
It did happen. The course of my life and my kid's lives has been forever altered.<br />
So...<br />
"Where do I go from here?" This is what I've been asking myself this again and again. It's a somewhat tiresome conversation.<br />
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But three days ago, I felt a shift.<br />
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Our new house has the most amazing back yard complete with several huge shade trees (an absolute anomaly in AZ) and 40 + roses bushes (I promise some pics one of these days).<br />
A few days ago I was sitting outside reading my scriptures, and enjoying what will be the last of our perfect spring days. While reading I came across this verse.<br />
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"For behold, I am God; and I am a God of <i>miracles</i>; and I will show unto the world that I am the same yesterday , today and forever; and I work not among the children of men save it be according to their <i>faith</i>."<br />
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As I read these words I was reminded of the many miracles I have witnessed these past two years. Our new house is one of them. The first time I walked through it, I looked at my realtor and said, "I am suppose to buy this house. And it's going to take a miracle." At the the time my divorce was no where near being final. There were no funds available for a down payment, and nothing I could offer the current owner to secure the sale. But miracles defy logic. Shortly after this time, I had an opportunity to meet the owners of the home. For some reason, we connected powerfully as we shared unique, yet painful stories of why I had to move, and why they had to sell. Nine months later, and after the sellers extended my contract <i>four </i>times, Sierra, Gentry and I moved into our new home. I remember my realtor commenting, "Sellers never extend contracts that many times. It's unheard of".<br />
Miracles carrying me.<br />
Miracles helping my spirit evolve and trust and hope.<br />
Because even though the box can never really be "checked", it can, through faith and trust, be turned into something resembling a blessing.<br />
I won't give up. I can't give up. That's just not who I am.<br />
And there are so many new things and good things happening.<br />
More about that soon...<br />
My new job, Sierra graduating, Drew coming home, and dating (?!) (Yep).</div>
Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-57977573975931716342018-03-29T18:13:00.001-07:002018-05-04T20:25:46.136-07:00drive<div style="text-align: center;">
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sun roof open</div>
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windows down</div>
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oxygen (finally)</div>
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speed </div>
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escape </div>
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my playlist</div>
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my dog</div>
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The darkness that won't let go. The frustration. The fatigue. The reality check (again). </div>
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Treading water.</div>
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And the incredible injustice of the whole thing.</div>
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all</div>
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for just a few hours</div>
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go away</div>
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<i>And I consider driving until I reach the ocean. I consider running away. I consider giving up. And I think and cry and breath until I'm done with it.</i></div>
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And then, I put on my big girl pants, and go back to work. </div>
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Because that's what you do when you're adult. </div>
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And there's always another highway. </div>
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Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-32650176473262429552018-01-31T16:21:00.001-08:002018-01-31T16:21:56.156-08:00the here and now<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>There are only two days of the year when nothing can be accomplished, yesterday and tomorrow.</i></div>
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<i>-Author Unknown</i></div>
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Hello my beautiful readers,<br />
As I type this, I am sitting in my new office. White walls, wood floors, vintage blue rug. Windows open, and a warm, early spring breeze is softly blowing through. In the distance I can hear our neighbor's<br />
dog barking and kids laughing and playing.<br />
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I am here.<br />
I am present.<br />
I am happy.<br />
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Today is a good day. Today is a day that I<br />
have refused to let painful memories of the past soak up my oxygen and encompass the synapses of my brain. Today is a day that I have willed my thoughts back into the space of <i>now </i>and not the worries of the future.<br />
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As I've traveled through this journey of divorce, something has become painfully, yet beautifully clear to me. Divorce will always be with me on some level. The experience of it, and all of the trama associated with it are now simply part of my DNA.<br />
And that is okay.<br />
There will be more hard days. There will be more happy days.<br />
But I only get to do <i>this </i>day once.<br />
So I am continuing to try and live each day in the here and now.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Gaky9BECu-Y/WnJbJ5AnZYI/AAAAAAAAK1c/jq-Q0fwtnnA3mgsxomIPKmpKyNH2rzmzQCK4BGAYYCw/s1600/IMG_1519.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Gaky9BECu-Y/WnJbJ5AnZYI/AAAAAAAAK1c/jq-Q0fwtnnA3mgsxomIPKmpKyNH2rzmzQCK4BGAYYCw/s640/IMG_1519.jpg" width="480" /></a><br />
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I am choosing to be<br />
<i>present.</i><br />
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Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-64435972000500333532017-12-27T17:17:00.001-08:002017-12-27T17:17:36.420-08:00winter formal<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
So, we've moved into our new house and things have been so good, but also a little crazy.</div>
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More about that to come, </div>
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but here are Sierra and her fun date Caleb at the winter formal dance. </div>
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It's so nice to have a little normal in the middle of the crazy now and then. </div>
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Just five short months before she graduates. </div>
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Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-81158556161556521392017-11-28T10:05:00.001-08:002017-11-28T10:05:22.754-08:00gremlins<div style="text-align: center;">
As in our stuff, which I'm pretty confident, seems to be multiplying. Just when I've tackled one corner of the house, another pile seems to develop out of no where. That is the nature of the packing/moving beast. But, it's all good. So very excited to be in this new space of "begin again". </div>
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And my new kitchen is actually looking like a kitchen.</div>
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Moving day....Saturday!!! </div>
<br />Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-9912066077780395352017-11-22T18:11:00.000-08:002017-11-22T18:11:05.144-08:00give thanks<div style="text-align: center;">
One of the harsh realities of divorce is having to split holiday. Since the kids and I were in New York last year, this thanksgiving will be my off year. </div>
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But, thankfully, Sadie and Andy came to Arizona a little early, and last Sunday, we still got to do the full thanksgiving feast together. Today, I helped Sadie make our traditional pumpkin pies for the real deal tomorrow. It's something she wanted to do, and I'm glad she wants to keep up the tradition, even if we're looking through a much different lens this year. </div>
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Tonight, despite all that's happened, my heart is full of gratitude. I try to never let myself hang out in the "poor me" zone for too long. It's just not healthy. Plus it makes me super unhappy. Not to say I don't still continue to grieve my former life, because some days I do. But, I am finding, that for the most part, each day gets just a little better. Sometimes almost immeasurably, but yet, I think about how crazy hard it was a year ago at this time, and I know there has been so much healing. </div>
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A few months ago a young mom was giving a talk in our church service. She has lost a baby the previous year and was sharing a little bit about overcoming another kind of crazy hard. She said something that impressed me so deeply, </div>
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"Gratitude is paramount for healing." </div>
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I have thought about this mindset again and again. I have a "gratitude journal" dedicated exclusively to writing down all that is good in my life. In the past five hundred plus days, I have literally only missed four days of recording what I have to be thankful for. Even on my darkest days, I could always, with very little effort, find some kind of blessing. </div>
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So here's to </div>
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<i>Giving Thanks </i></div>
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for </div>
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all that is good in this wonderful, unpredictable, happy, sad, joyful, comical, hard, and yet amazing world that we live in. </div>
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Because, at the end of the day, life is always worth living. </div>
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Happy Thanksgiving</div>
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my beautiful readers.</div>
<br />Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-28831684832028416302017-11-16T17:40:00.000-08:002017-11-16T17:40:59.485-08:00mom tears<div style="text-align: center;">
The good kind.<br />
The ones that happened when Gentry worked like crazy in soccer tryouts and made the high school team. </div>
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The happy/sad kind when Drew sent me this pic with the birthday cake I sent him and he frosted. And I miss him like crazy, but feel so glad for him to be doing good things and having so much growth... </div>
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and catching a lot of bass. (Because that's what you do in Mississippi). </div>
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And lately, I have a lot of tears of gratitude. Like when our new home starts to come together, and I feel so very ready for this new start.</div>
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Moving day...less then three weeks away. </div>
<br />Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-74598396862627323722017-10-30T21:46:00.000-07:002017-10-30T22:00:23.969-07:00change<div style="text-align: center;">
It's late. I should be going to bed. But, I realized tonight, that</div>
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it's already been a month since my last post, and so many good things are happening. Things I want to remember. Changes I want to share.</div>
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So first this...</div>
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June 8th I became official. And last week, I finished teaching my first six week course. Oh, and I now have my own website too, <a href="http://safehavenyoga.com/">safehavenyoga.com</a>. New classes coming for the new year. When I look back through this past year and a half, I can say that I <i>literally</i> breathed my way through my divorce. Pranayama baby. And by the way, when is the last time you took a really deep breath? The kind of breath that fills up every single cell in your lungs. Please do take one of these breaths today, and as you exhale, send out anything emotional or physical that is not serving you. Namaste.</div>
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And then there was this....</div>
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When you have a birthday and a lovely flock of pink flamingos show up in your lawn. (I have the nicest friends)! I remember telling my aunt a couple of years ago, that sometimes I dreaded getting another year older. Her response was, "Well, what's the alternative!?" which I decided was a very valid point. </div>
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My birthday this year was so good. I can honestly say I have no desire to go back to the earlier days of my life. There was a lot about those days that was wonderful, but I like me now. I like who I am. I like the peace that I've gained that could only come through spending some quality time on this earth. And, I even like my laugh lines, they remind me of how amazing it feels to smile. </div>
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And finally this, more progress on what will soon be my new kitchen....</div>
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The moving van comes the first week in December. In our current house we are in full swing packing mode. As the pictures come off the walls, and the boxes are packed, it's a crazy ride. One day I can't wait to move into to our new home, and the next I'm a puddle on the floor as I walk through the ten years of memories that were created in this home. I never hold back those tears when they come. They remind me I'm human. They are a sign of progress as I become sensitized again after months of protective numbness. They are important and vital for me to continue to heal. It's such a good thing to embrace each day without emotional resistance. It's also tremendously empowering. </div>
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Change is good. Change hurts, change also heals. </div>
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Happy Monday my beautiful readers. </div>
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May the changes in your life ultimately be catalysts for good.</div>
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<br />Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-6780095877706268442017-10-02T07:19:00.000-07:002017-10-02T07:37:01.232-07:00not coincidence As I mentioned yesterday, the food in Seattle was serious delish. Sierra and her friend Mikayla ended our trip by picking up some macaroons from a store called Lady Yum. As we headed to the airport, I sampled one. Oh my goodness, I didn't even know I liked macaroons until I tried one of these. When we got to the airport, Mikayla mentioned she'd seen a Lady Yum there when we flew in a few days earlier. I decided I really needed to buy some macaroons to take home, but then remembered we'd flown into a different terminal (with a different airline) on the way there. Sad face, but I decided I'd already had enough sugar for the week. As we walked to our departing gate Sierra remarked, "There's a sister missionary!" I didn't even see her go by in the crowd, but since she was alone we decided she must be returning home from her mission. "How great for her family!" I commented and we continued to our gate. I checked the departure time and we grabbed a seat by the window. That's when it happened. I started thinking about those macaroons, obsessing really. I needed to take some home (not wanted, <i>needed</i>). But, I reasoned with myself, <i>The store is not even in this terminal. You don't have time. </i>I tried to think about something else. I tried to sort pictures on my phone. I tried talking to the girls. I tried looking out the window at the beautiful fall day. And yet, there it was, this nagging, relentless thought....<i>must find macaroons. </i>And the counter thought...<i>this is ridiculous, you do not need those macaroons</i>. After another minute or two, I couldn't stand it any more. I stood up and announced, "I'm going to find that Lady Yum store. I'll be back." The girls looked up from their phones, "Okay?" And away I went, running down the concourse, <i>must have macaroons, must have macaroons</i>.<br />
Now please know, I consider myself to be a person of strong self-discipline. But every once in awhile, something trumps that, like this little situation. I rounded the first hall leading back to the main center of the airport. <i> This airport is small, maybe the terminals will be connected. </i>I started sprinting past some of the other stores and decided, <i>You really just need to get some directions. </i>The people at the first store where I stopped at had no idea what I was talking about. Frustrated, I did a 360 turn to decided who I should talk to next. Surprised, I saw the sister missionary standing by herself against a wall. I approached her and asked, "Hi sister, are you going home?" She responded that she was not going home, and in fact had just flown in from Puerto Rico as part of the evacuation of all the mormon missionaries due to the hurricane. She had been reassigned to Yakama Washington and her flight had been delayed for several hours. I was shocked. I asked if I could help, and she asked if she could use my phone to call the mission office and tell them she was delayed so they could arrange a ride for her later that night. I asked if she had been in contact with her parents, and she said only through email. I offered to let her text her mom. She was grateful for the opportunity and I can only imagine (as a missionary mom myself) how happy her mom was to get that text. As we talked some more, she shared with me all the craziness of surviving the hurricane, but also feeling peaceful as the storm battered the house they were staying in for twelve hours solid hours.<br />
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Sometimes there are coincidences. But sometimes, things happen for a reason. I am confident that this strange little macaroon quest was nothing more then a unique prompting that resulted in me having the great privilege of helping this sister missionary.<br />
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Yesterday, our family watched the annual <a href="http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/what-is-general-conference">general conference</a> of our church. I was particularly struck by <a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/10/media/session_2_talk_8?lang=eng">this</a> talk referencing "divine design" as I thought about how that thought of finding those little cookies was enough to move me out of my seat, and directly toward someone who needed to know that her Heavenly Father was aware of her. As I listened to this talk by Elder Rasband, I also couldn't help but think of my own life. It was a sweet assurance to me that my Heavenly Father loves me and is making more of my life through His plan then I could ever make with my own plan.<br />
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After texting her mom, Sister Goeff returned with me to my gate and we talked until it was time for the girls and I to board our plane. We exchanged hugs and she took a picture of us together to send to her family. It's these kind of moments and experiences that make me seriously love my life, no matter what's happened to this point. My life is so good and God is so good.<br />
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And Post Script to this story. In the interim, while Sister Goeff was texting her mom, I did find those blessed macaroons. The two terminals did connect and Lady Yum was less then 400 feet from where I first saw this sweet sister missionary. I know, cool, right?!<br />
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Happy Monday my beautiful readers.</div>
Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-11621712737706753052017-09-30T21:12:00.000-07:002017-09-30T21:12:42.378-07:00thank you Seattle<div style="text-align: center;">
Last weekend the girls finally got to redeem a christmas present from 2017, Coldplay concert tickets. The venue was Seattle and our first time to the city. I am in love. Photo credits to Sierra for most of these pics. ( I will get my camera out again one of these days).</div>
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The Coldplay concert ruined me. As in I am convinced I may never ever love another concert as much as I loved this one. I will simply describe it using one of the Brits favorite terms, "Brilliant" </div>
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Gentry and I can highly recommend the Seattle Art Museum.</div>
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If you visit Seattle, Pike's Market is a must see. </div>
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The flowers were the most beautiful I've ever seen and crazy inexpensive. Huge, massive bouquets for $10.</div>
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The pier is also a must see complete with a carousel.</div>
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And we always enjoy the local talent.</div>
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Museum of Pop Culture was also a good time.</div>
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LOVED this city that seemed to offer a little bit of everything. Not pictured, but must try...Ivar's fish and chips and Von's homemade mac and cheese. Thank you Seattle. Best time ever.</div>
Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-58311438250757691302017-09-28T19:08:00.000-07:002017-09-28T19:08:44.498-07:00stay tunedI have a lot of things I could be doing right now. The kitchen is a mess, it's trash day tomorrow and I haven't taken it out yet, and then there's laundry and paper work. You know this list. So often I find myself assessing the day based on how much I checked off on that infamous list. But a lot of those things, when I reflect back on this day in the future, simply won't matter. I'm confident that in five years I'm not going to look back and say, "I remember it well, September 28th, 2017, I did three loads of laundry <i>and </i> took out the trash". These things are necessary, but so empty when I think of what's important to me in this life. I've missed blogging. Often I don't write simply because there's just too much to say and I don't have the energy to say it. My divorce has taken over fifteen months, and I'm still trying to pick of the pieces of me. I feel confident that they are all there, but they are scattered and shifted, and in need of a new configuration.<br />
I'm in a strange place right now. It's a foreign limbo with all of it's inherent uncertainty and unsettledness. I'm trying to be okay in this space. I'm trying to be present in each moment instead of boarding the emotional hamster wheel. I've spent far too much time on that wheel, and I've grown quite tired of it.<br />
As I mentioned in my last post, there are lots of changes going on. For starters, two weeks ago, I bought a new house. It's new to me at least. When the girls and I walked through it for the first time, and after just twenty minutes, I turned to my realtor and said, "This is where we're supposed to be". I felt it in my heart. I felt it in my bones. My spirit just knew, it was time for a change and this new home was the change I'd been praying for. What followed can only be described as a miracle. As my divorce dragged on, I had to ask the sellers for an extension on my contract four different times. Four times. And all four times, the sellers graciously agreed. My realtor kept commenting, "This never happens."<br />
So, this is my new adventure. Or one of them at least. The bones of the new house were amazing, but I wanted to make it my own. Two weeks ago we started demo, gutting the kitchen and family room. The gutting was healing, watching that first swing of the hammer and shattering of plaster, ripping out drywall and jackhammering tile. So much dust and visual obscurity because of it, and yet the next day, a new space had been created. So, here's to new spaces and new adventures. I hope to document the next phase in this journey. This was my kitchen last week.<br />
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Rough right now, I know. But stay tuned. </div>
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Construction and building and growth and good things to come.</div>
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Not just for my kitchen.</div>
Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-44137029656395848682017-09-07T06:00:00.000-07:002017-09-07T12:03:07.191-07:00twelve monthsHello my dear readers, I'm still here. Lots of changes going on. Good changes. Hard changes. And I pinky swear to share a few of them in the next week. But today, I had to write about a very happy milestone. Today, September 7th, Drew celebrates his year mark (aka "hump day") or half way point on his mission. This past year has been such a blur in many ways. Perhaps, because of all the hard, it's been a little easier having Drew gone knowing he is doing something so healing and life changing. LDS missions change these kids in powerful and positive ways. I've witnessed it so many times. First with Sadie, many times with other peoples kids, and now Drew. And rather then say too much more about this, I will just let Drew share in his own words. This is a small excerpt from his email.<br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: "helvetica";">" I am so grateful to be apart of it, and being able to share this great news with others. It has been a great year, and I'm looking forward to many more great times to come in the next one. I am away from family and friends, always tired, working my hardest I ever have in my life, constantly being turned down and treated bad, but somehow I am happy :-) and that alone is enough for me to know this mission is all worth it. I love and miss yall so much, and hope things are going well.. See you all in a quick ONE!!!!!!!! ;-)))"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">How I miss this kid. Here's to a quick ONE.</span></div>
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</style>Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-37341608400396587012017-06-01T10:19:00.000-07:002018-05-04T20:32:47.139-07:00when every second hurts <div style="text-align: left;">
It was one year ago today that my husband of twenty-five years told me he wanted a divorce. I can't recall a lot of details about that day. I know it happened. I know I survived it. I know it was brutal. Although I don't recall the details of that day, I do recall being very aware of one inescapable thought. The thought was this, "Terra, you have to make a choice today. You have to make a choice right now. You have to make a choice in this very moment. You have decide if you will turn away from God or to Him. There are only two choices here." The choice for me was simple. Although my path had never, ever looked so incredibly difficult and indescribably dark, and although in that moment I felt I would never understand what had happened or why, I knew I had to trust God. It's a choice that I've had to make again and again everyday for the last three hundred and sixty five days. It's a choice I've never questioned. It's a choice that has carried me through shock and denial and crushing depression. It's choice that has healed me and strengthened me and lifted me out of the most griping and all encompassing darkness. It's a choice that brought me to this very day today, one year later. And as I move forward, it's a choice I will continue to make because I know, it is the only true path to light. It is the only true path to healing. And ultimately for me, it is the only true path to</div>
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JOY. </div>
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There is so much happiness ahead for me. I feel it when I see the light first enter my room in the morning. I feel it when I see my kids laughing. I feel it when, after a rock bottom day, I get back on my feet and stand again. I feel it when I pray and my Heavenly Father whispers to my heart how much He loves me and how proud He is of me. And today I especially feel it as I look to my future with hope, and excitement, and my wide open </div>
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HEART. </div>
Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3567047198643044072.post-57131884750545585692017-05-03T13:11:00.000-07:002017-05-03T13:11:54.290-07:00prom, ducky, and rethinking it all<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Sierra attended her junior prom with Parker two weeks ago. She and Parker have been bff's since forever. Sometimes I think those are the best kind of dates.</div>
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Last week, in honor of the whole prom thing, I decided to watch one of my favorite 80's movies, Pretty in Pink. I think it's arguably the most iconic prom film of the era. Molly Ringwald was at her best with the whole lip pout thing, and the soundtrack... <i>If you Leave...</i>who didn't have a couple of "cry it outs" to that one? So, I still love this movie 20+ years later, but I especially loved watching it in my current circumstances, as my current self, and with the life experience I've gained. I reflected how my sixteen year old self was completely in love with Andrew McCarty (Blain) and how I wanted that happy ending for he and Andie (Molly Ringwald). So, 20+ years later, and after more "life experience " then I could have ever imagined, I have to say, I would have chosen Ducky. Ducky (Jon Cryer) plays Andie's bff in the movie. Ducky was as true and loyal as they come. And more than anything, Ducky knew how to make Andie laugh.</div>
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And, If I may borrow a line from Jane Austen, </div>
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<i>I dearly love to laugh.</i> </div>
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Terrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06167674378421520532noreply@blogger.com0