Thursday, June 1, 2017

when every second hurts

It was one year ago today that my husband of twenty-five years told me he wanted a divorce.  I can't recall a lot of details about that day.  I know it happened.  I know I survived it. I know it was brutal.  Although I don't recall the details of that day, I do recall being very aware of one inescapable thought.  The thought was this,  "Terra, you have to make a choice today.  You have to make a choice right now.  You have to make a choice in this very moment.  You have decide if you will turn away from God or to Him. There are only two choices here."  The choice for me was simple.  Although my path had never, ever looked so incredibly difficult and indescribably dark, and although in that moment I felt I would never understand what had happened or why,   I knew I had to trust God.  It's a choice that I've had to make again and again everyday for the last three hundred and sixty five days.  It's a choice I've never questioned.  It's a choice that has carried me through shock and denial and crushing depression. It's choice that has healed me and strengthened me and lifted me out of the most griping and all encompassing darkness.  It's a choice that brought me to this very day today, one year later. And as I move forward, it's a choice I will continue to make because I know, it is the only true path to light.  It is the only true path to healing.  And ultimately for me, it is the only true path to

There is so much happiness ahead for me.  I feel it when I see the light first enter my room in the morning.  I feel it when I see my kids laughing.  I feel it when, after a rock bottom day, I get back on my feet and stand again.  I feel it when I pray and my Heavenly Father whispers to my heart how much He loves me and how proud He is of me.  And today I especially feel it as I look to my future with hope,  and excitement, and my wide open