Friday, February 13, 2015

growing up

Friday night again.   Gregg and I enjoyed an early Valentine's celebration dinner at the Melting Pot (our favorite tradition/ fondue heaven).  Gregg returned from Hong Kong on Tuesday and managed to keep the jet lag at bay for a solid hour and a half of much needed spousal catching up and laughter.  The second we got home he was out.  The older teenagers are pursuing Gilbert with friends, and the tween is running around the house screaming and  laughing with some other tweens.  It's the kind of chaos I've learned to tune out after so many years.  It's been a good day.  But, it started out kind of rough.  Everyonce in awhile I go through a little insomnia loop.  This morning I woke up feeling like I hadn't slept at all.  I think ALL moms get this, perhaps it was written somewhere in the fine print of that motherhood contract. {Because of the nature of this job i.e. worrying about your children and their curfews, and their education, and their nutrition and who they're friends with, you will, from time to time, experience some brutal insomnia}.  I wanted to be grumpy.  I wanted to go back to bed.  I wanted to check out in a very hot bath.  But, duty called.  So….coming back to my whole focus of  CHOOSING to be happy… I took a deep breath and I searched for some "resuscitation" music on my iPhone. "Jump, Jive an' Wail"  from the Brian Setzer Orchestra seemed to fit the bill.  I decided to make my bed.  Then I lit a few of my favorite candles through out the house.  Suddenly, I was feeling a little better. Then I attacked my missing sock drawer that's been leering at me for months. From there it was off to the kitchen to empty the dishwasher, feed the dog, wipe and dry the counters and take out the trash.  Instant gratification.  The thoughts that had been so heavy on my mind the night before, now seemed manageable.  I thought about how differently I sometimes handled these hard days twenty years ago.  For me, I value the knowledge and experiences that have come through my forty-something years far more than I miss some of the twenty something perks (you know, pre-stretch marks, laugh lines, elevens between the brow). I love being able to redirect my thoughts, and redirect my negative energy into something positive.  I love the perspective that comes through years of emotional trial and error. And as I was able to redirect my thoughts this morning about a current and somewhat pressing problems I thought to myself, "Hmmm, maybe this is what "growing up" is about".  And although I have been considered a "legal" adult for almost three decades, I'm grateful for this life long learning journey of maturing, no matter what my age.  There's a reason so many elderly people have so much wisdom.  I think it's kind of a "sink or swim" process.  And I hope to keep "swimming" for at least a few more decades.  I've still got some growing up to do.

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