Tuesday, September 4, 2012

to blog or not to blog

I was this close (imagine my index finger and thumb about 2mm apart) to giving up blogging.  It's part of the reason I took a blogging break.  My time constraints were getting to be overwhelming, and I just didn't know if I could justify taking time to blog.  Then, suddenly, I had major shift in my responsibilities (another post for another day).  And I took some time to reevaluate.  I love blogging for many reasons, but the most important one is that it motivates me to record my life.  One day, I hope my kidos will read an entry from my blog and say, "remember when mom used to do that", and smile (or maybe grimace?).  

Sadie.  As the weeks passed by, and the countdown got smaller.....

the piles got bigger....
and bigger...
and Bigger.

Until the day arrived.

And after a 12 hour drive, this was the view.

Sadie's new home (before)...

and after.

And a new roommate (Destiny).....who is a sweetheart.

So we walked Sadie's class schedule....
made sure her debt card was working....
and took one last picture before Gregg and I got back into our (now very empty) suburban and drove away.

I look pretty happy and composed, right?  I was. And even when I gave her one last hug, I only cried a little bit.  And then we drove away, and I cried some more.  And then I got in the very back seat of our suburban and wrapped up in a  a big blanket, and watched the clouds go by for hours.  And Gregg drove and drove until we were home.  
The hardest part?  Getting home, walking in the house, and knowing that Sadie was 800 miles away.  I was emotionally wiped out, but  I wanted to be positive for our other kids.  I decided that if I didn't go into Sadie's room, I'd be able to keep it together for the rest of the night.  Epic fail.  An hour later Gentry and Sierra (who were spending lots of time in Sadie's room) started yelling that they needed me to come kill a scorpion (bane of my existence) on Sadie's wall.  I decided I couldn't refuse that request.  I walked into the room, headed right for the scorpion and ended its earthly journey in one blow.  Then I tried to quickly exit the room without looking around. On the way out I caught a small glimpse of Sadie's bulletin board with a hundred pictures and memories.  And then all those tears that I'd been trying not to show came out.  And once I started crying, I couldn't stop.  And my kids kept saying, "Are you ok mom?"  And after a couple of hours I just went to bed and hoped the next day would be better. And it was.
It's good to be blogging again.   

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